My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
