So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
