Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
