Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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