guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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