Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
