they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
