P.S. I can't hear my feet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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