I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You are the jesus of drinking
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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