Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
