I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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