Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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