i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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