do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
