I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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