So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
