Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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