i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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