I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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