if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
