i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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