I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
