I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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