Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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