U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
