Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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