And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
