no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
