Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just pynch a tree in the face
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
