Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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