Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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