Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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