My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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