I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
