She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
