The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
