did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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