I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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