her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
