someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
