i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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