I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
