i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
