She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
