paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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