it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
