peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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