True but thats because hes a fetus.
zippers are such a cool invention
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
