i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
