I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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