I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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