also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
