i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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