Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
