So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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