Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
