If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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