if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
