well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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