It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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