Someone shit on the floor
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
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He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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