That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
